Shadow's Refuge 23- shop-talk

The next morning found him quite disoriented. He opened his eyes to the thin streams of light filtering past the drawn curtains and for a moment, he had no idea where he was, apart from the fact he felt unusually comfortable. Yet he felt no need for alarm and it took him but a moment to remember why. Right. He was in Safe Haven. He was... home. The thought made him both giddy and nervous, as if one of the Deep's eels was slithering inside his stomach. He threw an arm over his eyes with a faint groan and let his mind recount the events of the day before. The gathering, the crowd's grudging acceptance... and the newly found truce. He and Kellian ended that evening with a companionable drinking of their tea and sporadic, casual talk of healing. The conversation was timid on his part and hesitant on both, but it was sincere. He found true joy in it. It was... peaceful. Before long, Kellian sent him to bed under strict orders to get a good night's sleep. Well, apparently he slept well enough to forget where he was. It worried him. Drow are not meant to sleep that deeply. Not surviving ones, anyway. He couldn't let his guard down, not now, perhaps not ever. Not while there were still people in this valley that would rather see him gone.

With a sigh, he removed his arm from his face, sitting up with a good stretch. His body was healthier than it has been for a long time and he took a moment to enjoy the lack of pain and the slide of warming muscles. He would have to build most of his muscle tone anew as his body had suffered through many injuries, malnutrition and lack of sufficient movement for a long time- he shuddered, shoving the shadows of images from his mind. Yes, he was actually looking forward to the workout.   He slid off the bed and came to his feet, padding silently towards the window and letting his eyes adjust to the filtered light before he pushed the curtain aside to assess the time of day. Early. Earlier than he ever woke up since he came to the valley. Maybe his body was well enough, at last, that he no longer needed extra hours of sleep. But waking this early also meant there would be more people in the halls, going to start the day's chores. The water rooms and dining hall were bound to be quite busy in this hour and he wasn't sure he was up to the challenge of mingling, just yet. He wondered if he ever will be. But isolating himself would get him nothing and so, with another sigh he turned to search for his shirt. He had discarded it on the one chair in the small room, along with his belt and sword. It smelled of nervous sweat as he lifted it from the chair, but he had no other and so he pulled it on, cinching his belt over it and adjusting Kat's sword in its scabbard. The dagger she had given him, the same one that triggered his nervous breakdown, went to its place on his other hip, near the pouch still filled with sugared nuts. He sat down to pull on his boots, well- Alkorin's boots, in truth, or at least that's what Kat had said when she gave them to him. He was surprised the elf didn't notice he was wearing them and make a fuss. He wouldn't think it beyond him to be angry at such a thing, but he didn't have any choice. He didn't think he could walk around with bare feet, Like Aro did.  He raked his fingers through his hair, wishing for any kind of comb, then gave up and rose to his feet again. He would not get anything he needed by sitting here and hiding from the world.

Kellian's  livingroom was quiet and empty, save for the tiny motes of dust dancing in the light shafts that came through the window. He breathed in the scent of mingled herbs and salves that seemed to define this room and wondered if Kellian was still asleep. The door leading to what he could only assume was her bedroom was closed and he dared not knock. His mind shied from the prospect of waking her up or disturbing her in an inconvenient moment. Her temper was something he hoped to avoid in the future at all costs. He was of half a mind to go and search for Aro or Kat, when a thump from outside made him turn to the window. As he looked into the garden, a flash of color and movement caught his attention. Suddenly alarmed, he yanked the garden door open and rushed outside, heading for the half obscured Fastwheels that sat empty on the path.
“Ada- Kellian? Are you-?” he started, but as he neared the chair the words died on his lips and he was extremely glad he didn't finish his sentence. He had thought that by some chance the Adane was thrown out of her chair, but as her body came into view, it became obvious it was not so. She turned to look at him from her seat on the ground, a crooked smile on her face, as if she knew exactly what he had been thinking. Her hands, stained with the rich soil they were delving into but a moment before, reached to support her half swiveled body, as her leg muscles were useless to keep her balance.
“Good morning, early riser,” she greeted him. Her silver gaze scanned him up and down and he blushed, suddenly self conscious of his less than presentable state.  His voice was less than steady as he answered.
“G-good morning. I-” any words he meant to add were halted by her chuckle.
“Oh, dear. We left you ill equipped, did we not? You look rather disheveled. I apologize, I should have thought about it,” she said gently.
“No, not at all! I didn't think to-” he hurried to say, but she waved him silent with a smile.
"Nevermind. Its easily remedied. But if you're already here and dressed in clothes that would not suffer for the dirt, would you care to help me? You ARE a healer, after all. You should learn to take care of your supply,” she offered, gesturing to the rows of plants before her. He blinked, looking at the plants for a moment before he realized what they were.
"You mean to say you grow your healing herbs in this garden?” he asked. He never really put thought to the concept of gardening. In the Deep, some males were entrusted with farming what underground plants that thrived in the deep caverns. Some houses prided themselves with their mushroom and moss gardens and products. But somehow, he never thought how a healer would benefit from growing its own supply. Kellian shrugged.
"Those I can, yes. Gathering herbs in the forest is time consuming and frankly, quite difficult for me,” she tapped at her Fastwheels pointedly. “I sometimes send others to gather what herbs I cannot grow here. Aro is quite good at finding what I need, and Kat gathers for both of us. Well, since she refills her satchel from my stores, maybe I should say she gathers the herbs for me as well,” she patted the earth beside her. “Sit down. If you help me finish this patch, I'll help you find a change of clothes in the water rooms. Soon enough you'll have your own clothes, but it'll require a trip to the seamstresses and I'm sure you'd rather be presentable when you meet them.” He nodded quickly.
“I would like to help. There is so much I don't know yet, that even Aro and Alkorin prove more knowledgeable in the craft of healing than I am,” he admitted. Kellian chuckled, her deft fingers pulling out weeds even as her gaze was turned elsewhere.
“Do not let that deter you, Therazin. Aro spends most of her time around two healers. The girl could become an efficient herb healer if she ever put her mind to it, but she doesn't show an aptitude for that calling. And Alkorin, despite his ill temper and less than savory behavior, knows the forest well. He learned the basics about the bounty of the forest long before he came here, and he can tell between the basic remedy herbs. In fact, most people know how to find and use willow bark. But it takes a learned healer to administer a full, fitting treatment,” she explained. “Here. These don't belong here, see the shape of the leaves? Those are just weeds. They strangle the other plants and use what nutrition they need. Pull them out gently, without disturbing the others.” Therazin watched Kellian's strong, calloused fingers delve into the soil and pull the weeds out and soon enough, his own fingers joined hers, cleaning the long rows of plants from unwanted growths. He watched her ready a small patch of earth beside her, turning it again and again before digging small holes in it and placing seeds in each hole. She used water from a bucket that stood on the path to water the earth and he realized that's probably how she raised most of the plants in the patch. It probably was mundane to her but he found it fascinating.
“Ke- Kellian?” he asked hesitantly, looking at his hands as he worked and trying to shake off his misgivings about asking questions. “Why do we use plants? I mean, I realize herbs are needed when the healer is too drained to heal,” he hurried to add “but I've seen you use herbs on wounds you could have healed with true healing with more efficiency. So how do you decide when to use what?” it was probably a stupid question. He felt so inept, asking questions about the most basic of things. He knew it was an irrational way of thinking but he felt as if he should  know these things already. Kellian, however, brightened at his question.  
“That is a very good question,” she commended him. “And as such, it cannot be answered with a few words.” she held an uprooted plant in her palm, ready to plant it in the soil. “you see, in essence, the decision whether to use True Healing or herbal remedies is a product of both prioritizing  and the nature of healing itself. I-” she bit her lip, eyes contemplating the plant in her hands in silence as she tried to choose her words. “this is a bit challenging. In order to fully answer that question I will have to explain many things, and I'm trying to portion it out for you to avoid overwhelming you,” she explained. “You already know every healer has a limit. We have finite stores of power and though we use the will and resources of the patient as well, there is only so much we can take. This is why the gods, in their wisdom, gave us other means of healing. See-” she paused. “No, let's elaborate on that. Let us start from the very nature of healing. What IS healing? Do you know that?” she asked. Therazin scrambled in his mind to come up with a fitting answer, but defining healing in words was- difficult. Kellian seemed to predict  his struggle with the question, though. “It's alright. Few can define it in words in the first few years.  Healing, Therazin, is the act of using your own inner power, your will, to influence and channel the life force in the world into action, specifically in order to mend the flesh of another. Each of us is a bit different, as we are unique individuals, but all healers essentially open themselves as channels and routers of life force. Not only do you have your own innate stores of life energy which are much larger than those of a normal man, but your body naturally absorbs it from your surroundings, to a certain degree.” Therazin  felt his brows dip into a faint scowl. He didn't like the sound of that.
“You mean to say I absorb the life force of the people around me?” he inquired. The thought was disturbing. It sounded as if every healer was some kind of leech. Kellian shook her head.
“Not just people. Anything. Everything,” she answered. He regarded her with a rather confused stare.
“You mean animals too?”
“Yes. But much more than that,” the wheeled healer raised her hands and the plant cupped within them. “Every plant has a life force, be it tree or flower. Even the rocks have it though it is faint. Miniscule parts of it float in the very air you breath. Therazin, the world around us is brimming with life force. Some call it Mana, Saa, the matter of the soul. Many names for that energy no one can fully explain or grasp. Some believe it is the gods' breath. Most agree it was created with this world, and  with every world. The point is, it is there. Some people can gather it, utilize it. Magic adepts have their ways of using it. Healers in general use the life force within themselves, as they have much larger quantities of it than normal people. They passively absorb some from their surroundings, but never in quantities that harm those around them, and slowly enough to serve as nothing more than a slow way to aid the recharging of their stores, along with what they produce within. Magic adepts relay much more on the Saa around them than they do on their inner stores. They have ways to shape and draw from the world itself. Some use the patterns of music as we do the healing patterns created in our heads. Their spells are notes and melodies. For that is all a spell is, you know. A pattern that shapes the flow of Saa. Others use dance, their own gestures and movement as their patterns. Some use words and ingredients. Some use writing. Some only their willpower. Every magic adept must find their own way.” She planted the plant with deft movements, securing it within the earth.
“Ah, but I veer off track. Despite the facts I just shared, I know of no healer that can actively draw from the world around at will. Old lore hints it can be done but has been forbidden because it damages the world around you. I suppose since it was forbidden, the knowledge was lost. The only way to take Saa from others actively now is through a Link when healers join powers. And only one healer I know can Link none healers and take power from them. Kat can do that with certain people, as part of her unique gift.” Kellian stopped to dole out water from the bucket and water each newly planted shoot. He watched her make a small depression around each stem, making sure water would gather at the roots of each plant.
“This is the reason we cannot heal the dead and must be careful with the weak and drained patients we have.  There is no way to heal without taking some of the natural Saa, the life force within the patient and utilizing it. A healer uses his will and the energy of his and the patient's Saa to convince the body to accelerate its normal healing, sometimes substituting its normal healing with a pattern of your own design, that routs energy into the creation of flesh and bone. But what do you do when what ails the patient is not an injury but an illness? What would you do when the body is attacked by things too small to see?” she leaned back on the palms of her hands, looking at the new rows of plants. “In some cases, a talented healer is able to detect particles that do not belong to the body and help the body cast them out. But more often than not, you are faced with something that wrecks havoc in your patient's body and you just cannot find it. There is nothing you can do but fight the symptoms, reducing fever, clearing lungs, helping cough. But the gods in their wisdom gave us herbs, remedies that help us fight what we cannot see. They are often more effective at fighting symptoms than our gift is or at least more efficient and less power consuming, and in some cases provide a cure. I have told you how important it is for a healer to distribute power wisely and use it as efficiently as possible. In some cases the only benefit of True healing over herbal healing is the shortened time of healing True healing provides. Sometimes not even that. And so, if the injury or malady is not life threatening, I would rather use herbal healing and let it heal naturally. Sometimes I will use a combination of the two. Therazin, prioritizing is one of the most important things a healer can learn. I do not think you will fully understand that until the day you drain yourself on your patients and be left standing before a suffering patient with no power to help because you misjudged your priorities. It is a painful experience, but one that is near inevitable and highly educational. So, to sum this up, what is the answer to your question?” she asked, leaning backwards on her palms and looking at him expectantly. He shook himself from his fascinated stupor as he realized she expected him to answer his own question. It was not unlike the way Kat would test him on the lessons she had given him when they were traveling to Safe Haven. He enjoyed it.

“Well,” he said, dusting his fingers off and centering his attention “if I understood correctly, a healer will use herbs instead of True healing, either to fight an illness unknown to him and untreatable by True healing, or when the healer wishes to conserve power OR when herbs provide a more efficient treatment.” he concluded. Then, another thing occurred to him. “It all depends on the healer's skill and knowledge, isn't it?” he asked. “you must know the treatment, know what to look for in the patient's body, OR be knowledgeable enough to know the right herbs. It isn't enough to have the talent. One must know how to use it and that, is more complicated than most think,” he mused.  Kellian's answering grin was brilliant, transforming her face and filling her eyes with the glitter of silver. She looked younger, she looked softer and he felt, suddenly, more at ease as she watched him with knowing eyes.
“That is quite a clever observation, Therazin, and not one most would make. I like this about you. You are unassuming. Most young healers know very little but are sure they know everything there is to know. Privileged, born with a gift that makes them invincible. It takes quite a while and a lot of hard knocks before they allow themselves to realize they have a lot to learn. To have the gift, to be born with it, is only the start. If you don't learn how to use it correctly, if you don't attain the knowledge that allows you to recognize what you must do to help, your gift will be nothing more than a burden, a crude tool that can harm just as it can help.  You do not assume you know what you are doing,” she said gently.
“I know nothing,” he admitted, spreading his arms helplessly. With every sentence, he realized more how big the gap in his knowledge really was. Kellian shook her head.
“You know little. But you have the right temperament and the right attitude to learn what you do not know. If you keep your ears and mind open, I will teach you everything you need to know to become a decent healer. To become a great healer, now, that is something only you can teach yourself to be. The learning never stops, you just stop relying on others to provide knowledge and start researching and exploring on your own. You have that drive, Thrazin. Preserve it.” With that, she dusted her hands off and reached for her Fastwheels.

“Right. We're done here for now. I appreciate the help. Now, let's go wash our hands and find you a change of clothes before breakfast.” She pulled herself up, muscles bulging on her arms and shoulders as she maneuvered herself into the woven seat and secured herself in place. The wheels of the chair struggled and sank in the rich soil before they found enough purchase to propel her onto the paved path. He made to lead back to the house when she stopped him.
“Wait, Thrazin. Come with me for a moment. I wish to show you something,” she asked, turning and wheeling herself down the path, deeper into the garden. He followed her, using this opportunity to take in the rows of plants and those parts of the garden he suspected were only for viewing purposes. He was so absorbed in the strange beauty of it that he almost collided with her as she stopped. Before her, the path ended, making way for a circular patch of grass. In its center, a good ten paces away stood a lone tree. Its trunk was as thick as a grown man's chest and its sprawled canopy shaded the entire bed of grass. Dead leaves littered the grass here and there, drifting almost playfully with the breeze. Beneath the tree, leaned against the trunk was a stone bench.
“Go,” said Kellian quietly. “Press your hand to the trunk and close your eyes, and listen with your healer's senses. It will teach you a few things better than I can ever voice them with my mouth.”   He nodded and started for the tree, then realized she was not following. He looked back at her and caught the strange, wistful way in which she was watching the tree and the bench. Her wheels hovered just at the edge of the path, as if she was thinking of coming over, but she never did. It was then that he realized something. Kellian, with all her fierce independence, could not wheel herself to the tree. The path did not go there, and her wheels would not roll well on bare soil and grass. They would snag, catch and sink, made for floors and paths, for speed rather than versatility. In order to get to the bench she would have to be carried, and he couldn't imagine her letting anyone carry her away from her wheels. She seemed to love that tree for some reason, but she could only watch it from a distance. It saddened him, but he knew she would interpret that as pity and if she caught him at it, he would feel the wrath of the Shewolf again. So rather than offer to help her to the tree, he turned and made the rest of his way to the ancient trunk.

He didn't know trees. He had stumbled between them when he came to the surface and had seen them from afar in his years of slavery, had learned that they were the main building material of furniture and in some places, houses. They were much like mushroomwood, the material harvested from the giant mushrooms that grew in the caverns of the Deep, but somehow stronger, more versatile and heavier. He had been aware of their presence when  he traveled through the forests  with Kat, knew that they were the natural element of the bright elves. But he never gave attention to them as anything more than passing scenery.  This tree was truly impressive. Its bark was as wrinkled as the skin of an old, weathered human and its canopy, now that he was beneath it, was all encompassing. And- it was full of life. Small birds chirped from the branches and many a buzzing insect streaked by, finding concealment and nourishment in this still giant. It supported life, nurtured it. He wondered if this was what Kellian wanted him to see. But  it was never wise to ignore orders, especially those of a volatile female and so he did as she told him, rested his palm against the wrinkled bark and closed his eyes,  letting his healer senses extend forth,  searching for a heartbeat he knew he would not find.
And yet, the next moment, he did.

He startled, almost losing touch with the tree before he composed himself and sent his senses  further, honing in on his find. On further examination, he realized it wasn't exactly a heartbeat. But it WAS a beat, an odd, slow ebb and rise that made him think of deep sleep. Intrigued, he spread his awareness further, following that beat through veins that were not really veins, that transferred something that was not blood and not entirely water in and out of the vibrant green leaves, ever so slowly. The beat echoed through the entirety of the tree, pulsing slowly in his mind, ever outwards. As he sent his senses further and further away, he realized that unlike a living body, the beat was not fully contained in the physical boundaries of the tree. There was no cutoff, no end to it and as he stretched himself further than he ever did before, he felt an echoing answer. For a moment, he was dumbfounded. And then- then he understood and the realization was as shocking as the first sight of a sunrise. The forest! This tree, though planted in one place, away from the other trees, was connected with the forest. All trees were connected by this- this ethereal flow that was not contained within their trunks but stretched beyond their canopies. Fascinated, he followed it further and further, trying to find its limit. He could find none.  The vastness of it made him feel infinitely small, lost in that echoing net that chimed with distant sensations he did not understand. As he listened with his senses, he could almost catch something, like a distant music at the edge of his hearing. But suddenly he realized he was going too far. He had sent his senses far away from his body, further than he thought possible, lured by that beat and the discoveries he was making and he was starting to feel lost. He wasn't sure he could withdraw and reel himself back in and as he tried, his attempts made clumsy with growing dread and the feel of foreign space around him, he couldn't remember which way to go.  Could a healer lose himself if he sent his senses too far? Could he become so estranged from his body that he would not be able to change his senses back? He had never thought to ask Kellian this particular question before, and now the thought seemed feasible, even logical, which made his panic grow. If he screamed, would his body sound his voice, or will he echo as silently as the treas in this strange ethereal web, until he lost his mind? Would Kellian notice before it was too late? He flailed with his senses, lashing about, trying to find an inkling of the right direction. There was none. He grew still, trying to control his panic, to calm himself enough to come up with a plan.

Without warning, the network around him rippled. It was a feeling not unlike wind, or a pressure of air. It pushed at him gently, at the tangled mess of his senses, causing him to drift from his place. It disappeared, then rippled again as he tried to sense what it was. Again, rippling around him, pushing him in one direction. As suddenly as the ripple came, he was filled with  a strange sense of purpose, a strong suggestion of a direction and a need to go THERE, go fast. Something enveloped him, trying to calm his panic with strange warmth. Weak with dread, he  heeded that strange suggestion and moved in the suggested direction. The longer he stayed in place, so far away from his body, the more removed he felt from his own flesh. He had a strong notion that lingering was not an option, and that feeling was enforced by the foreign urgency. Additional ripples encouraged him to go on, nudging him faster and faster, with more urgency. He was filled with an odd certainty that this was the right direction, this was the right way. He welcomed the ripples as they came, floating on their pushing force like a bird riding an air current. Around him, the beat accented each ripple, like the flow of blood from a pumping heart. Just like-
Oh.
OH! realization downed on him in a flash. He knew this. He recognized this. The forest, the collective of trees was alive, in a more profound was than he ever imagined. Each tree was like an organ in a body, a part of a whole, and yet more than that. They were units, whole on their own, and yet a part of something bigger. And somehow, they were aware of him, of his little flicker of consciousness lost in their web of... Saa. For this was indeed what it was. Life force, the trees were filled with their own life force, just like Kellian said, and though it was so different than a person's, it was, in some ways, bigger. He didnt know what it was that pushed at him. He couldn't feel a mind touching his own, like when Kat shared his thoughts, or when Kellian Linked with him. But there was SOMETHING there. And that something was pushing him almost violently now, urging him strongly to move as fast as he could. He raced at breakneck speed towards an increasingly familiar point in that space and when he reached it-

He flew back, landing on his back on the grass with a muffled thud, as if the tree had repelled him. He lay there, looking up at the vast canopy above him, struggling to regain his breath and recover from the shock. His limbs tingled, as if they were asleep for quite some time and for a long moment, he felt wrong, a stranger in his own body. He moved his fingers, then raised one hand and looked at the digits as they moved, fascinated. Slowly, that disturbing wrongness dissipated, but it took him a moment longer to finally feel at ease.  He was shaken, but at the same time, awed by the whole experience. He never knew, never guessed that foliage, a plant, can be as vital, as alive as this. He needed time to think about it all.
The wind rustled through the leaves above him, just barely touching him in the closed off garden. It was oddly peaceful to lie like that, supported by the soft grass, just staring up and letting dappled shadows dance over his skin. It reminded him of the times on the road when he would lay down in the grass and let Kat trace his features. Suddenly he longed to see her. With a small sigh he rolled and rose to his feet and made his way to the  wheeled healer. Kellian was still stationed just at the edge of the path, her arms resting in her lap. Knowing, peaceful silver eyes returned his gaze and she smiled, as if she knew the secrets he uncovered. She had to.
"We learn something new every day,” she said gently. He only nodded. Somehow, he felt he just didn't have the words to speak about the experience.  “Alright. Lets get you cleaned up, then we can go and see if Kat is awake. You'd never guess it, but she actually hates waking up early. Yet her schedule rarely allows her to sleep in,” Kellian led him to the water rooms and he felt his chest become stiffer the closer they got tot he doors. It was early enough for the rooms to be occupied, even crowded. He'd have to bathe with elves. Worse still, Kellian was leading him to one of the mixed gender water rooms. He'd have to bear female eyes watching his skin. The longer he thought about it, the harder it was to breath.  He took a deep breath and stilled himself when Kellian opened the doors.